Disenfranchised Grief
There are times throughout life when we stumble into the territory of being misunderstood, and death is no exception to that rule.
Death is the great unknown; an uncharted territory of mixed beliefs and taboo attributes that dilute further efforts of understanding or acceptance.
Because death, dying, grief and loss (basically anything that’s not “THRIVING”) have an inherently fringe nature in the culture of the U.S., there’s a greater chance that many may fall short when found in the position of experiencing or supporting someone through any of the aforementioned transitions.
Even more, where there’s a lack of understanding, there’s a tendency to revert to the well-meaning, but sometimes misguided culturally accepted consolations, such as: “they’re in a better place now” or, “at least they’re no longer suffering”, etc.
Specifically, disenfranchised grief is a subcategory of grief, and is used to describe a sense of loss or grief that falls even further outside the spectrum of public understanding or acceptance.
Some examples of disenfranchised grief are:
The loss of a pet
An abortion or miscarriage
Career changes or loss
Experiencing divorce or separation
Losing someone by suicide or overdose
A loss or change of identity (ie: gender reconsideration, becoming a parent, caregiver, or making significant life changes)
Loss of connection to someone still living through experiences such as: a diagnosis, addiction, life change or imprisonment
Grief exists in many forms, and all are valid. How and what you grieve is personal, and any encounter of dismissing, denying or minimizing loss is simply a reflection of deeper work that needs to be done as a whole in accepting grief as an experience and emotion.
When we feel like we don’t have permission to grieve, we may suppress it, or we may inadvertently wrap our feelings and experience in shame, criticism or confusion. But just because there is a stigma that exists around grief, or our form of grief, doesn’t invalidate it.
If you are grieving something that falls outside what’s considered “normal”, you are not alone, and you are not wrong for feeling the way that you do. Having compassion for yourself and others is a great place to start, but integrating your grief also means utilizing the people that feel safe and resources around you.
Your grief doesn’t belong on an island, it belongs in a community, and/or in the company of others who support the wholeness of your human experience.
Hugging you. xoxo
